Transaction Rituals

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Transaction Rituals
Australians take pride in their open style of business dealings and consider themselves world leaders in the field of honest transactions. Job interviews, commercial dialogues as well as business discussions are straightforward events that unfold in a most informal manner.

It would be a mistake, however, to take this congenial and open manner for granted. People may appear to be unaffected and casual but wherever they meet, be it in offices, pubs, clubs or television interviews, they perform several distinct ceremonial manoeuvres in the manner of mating bower birds.

The One-Of-The-Boys Style

This transaction consists of treating all prospective clients, bosses, employees or partners as if they have just arrived from Oodnadatta. The essential step here is to pay no heed whatsoever to the other person's likes, interests, biases or fears. People from overseas face some serious spiritual and bodily bruising unless they quickly learn to adjust to the terms of intimacy, first-name address, rib-punching, backhand slapping and merry ridicules that accompany such transactions.
  "No flies on you, Wolfgang, you bastard!"
  "Aw, give it a go, Sadahiko, get that down your gizzard."
  "Not a bad possie, eh mate, Mahmoud?"

  The exchange often takes place at a racetrack or nightclub on company expense and the interchange continues until one of the parties feels violently ill or collapses completely.

  It's useful to understand that the general aim here is to impress upon everybody that all people are basically much the same but especially so once they arrive here.

The Full-On Style

This one is practised by people who behave in an overly aggressive manner in order to disguise uncertainty about what exactly people want or are after. Exchanges that you might adopt in the course of such encounters are:
  "I'm awake-up to you, matey."
  "Come on, stop bunging on an act."
  "I didn't come down in the last shower."
  "You couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding."
  "What do you think you're trying to pull?"
  "You couldn't give away blood at a lice picnic."
  "Well, I reckon you're up shit creek without a paddle."
  "You're lower than a worm's belly."
  "You're as shady as a rat with a parasol."
  The 'Full On' style serves to slowly pump confidence into all parties concerned while giving them time to think.

The Devil's Advocate Style

It consists of permanently taking up a contrary position to the other person. One party always opposes whatever the other one is saying, in the name of Truth. Practised particularly by members of the media, the 'Devil's Advocate' style proves that neither bias nor favouritism tinges your judgment.
  "I've just discovered a cure for cancer."
  "Have you thought of the consequences?"
  "I beg your pardon?"
  "The doctors, nurses and other staff you'll put out of work?"
  "Well, actually..."
  "The technicians and hospitals out of action?"
  "Steady on..."
  "The morticians and lawyers who will go broke?"
  "But the world's been seeking the cure for centuries!"
  "I suppose you did it on a grant, eh?"

The Excessively Friendly Style

Practised by people from all walks of life interviewing aspiring candidates for positions vacant, for tenders or grants, for bank loans or for partnership offers. The procedure involves a lot of sympathetic body language, quiet conspiratorial asides and little verbal nudges.
  "Yeah, your prospects look pretty good."
  "Oh, really?"
  "I think you're really suited for the job."
  "Gee, thanks."
  "I'll certainly be pushing your cause."
  "Oh, good, I love delivering sandwiches."

  Should you encounter such behaviour, become aware immediately that you have made an unfavourable impression since normally it is completely unnatural for people to be friendly under such circumstances. Interviewers most likely think you pushy. Maybe they don't like your smell. They are friendly and that is a bad sign. The moment the atmosphere becomes matey, relaxed and informal, you can be fairly sure that your prospects are slim indeed. The job is definitely going to someone else. You certainly haven't got that contract. In fact you're not even in the running.

The Aloof Style

This is a stiff manner employed when holding interviews, board meetings, staff meetings and grant applications. Movements are specially jerky, eyes are averted and the voice is hollow.
  "I don't think you understand the situation."
  "But I've really studied up on mouse extermination."
  "I'm afraid I don't agree with your methods."
  "I thought hitting them with a broomstick was okay."
  "You're wrong there."

  In Europe such remarks are a good indication of the futility of a situation. Aloof behaviour on the part of your basically easy-going interviewer simply means that you have made an excellent impression, that you may be fairly sure of landing that uncertain contract, or that a promotion is most likely coming your way.

  In Australia, do not fall into the trap of trying to be amicable. Make sure you don't try to warm up the situation with any friendliness. To the trick question "Any questions?" make sure you do not answer anything, shrug your shoulders and stare out the window.

  In this situation ensure that there is no eye contact whatever. Know, oh reader, that the only people who look their employers in the eyes are desperate ones.

The Difficult Beginnings Style

A very common exchange that takes place between two people who wish to do business together, but at first are scared of each other. Then as the meeting wears on you warm up to one another.
  "Hey, you're not a bad bloke/sort/person."
  "You're not so bad yourself."
  "I think we could do business together."
  "I'm sure we could."
  "We'll get on great guns."
  "Like a house on fire."
  "Like fleas on a bandicoot."
  "We'll show 'em."
  "My oath."

  The exchange continues until you are so comfortable in each other's company that you can skip the business part altogether and go out instead and have a beer.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Roddy The Rooster & Friends

Site
by
JMV

Search | Home | Contents | Books

A Hop Through Australia's History