Sex By Attrition

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Sex By Attrition
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When Iraq and Iran went to war the whole world expected a quick end to the conflict. Instead the two countries settled down to a long eight-year long struggle with the aim of wearing down each other's resistance.

It's what is called a war of attrition.

If you want to be successful with the opposite sex in Australia you must learn the art of attrition, as courtship Down Under is run along much the same lines.

  Australians, you see, are independent and proud beings who consider that any admission of desire shows a demeaning lack of character. One may have urges, one may even entertain certain designs, but these should not be revealed under any circumstances. On the contrary, all references to real intentions ought to bring out a hot denial:
  "I think you've got the wrong idea about me."
  "What are you talking about?"
  "I'm just not like that."
  "Do you mean sex?"
  "It was the last thing on my mind."

  Halfhearted excuses like "What's wrong with that?" and "Haven't had it for days" simply won't do. Even the slightest admission of desire can lead to untold complications and risks being seen like trying to extract sex from the other person.
  "You're not really a bad sort."
  "Thanks."
  "I reckon you look a bit of all right."
  "Oh yeah?"
  "Actually I quite like you."
  "I knew you'd turn out to be a creep."

  It may be admissible for a Frenchman to sight a pretty girl in Montmartre, share a quick lunch with her and then, after declaring his intentions, end up having a siesta together an hour later. Here this kind of spontaneity is frowned upon and is seen in the same light as queue-jumping.

  Australians are a well-brought-up moral nation who've learnt since childhood that you've got to take the bad with the good and that there's got to be a definite order in things in sexual congress. After all, one can't just go from soup to dessert. And one certainly couldn't have sweets on its own.
  "Finish your vegetables."
  "But I don't want to!"
  "Finish them!"
  "Can't I just have dessert?"
  "You'll eat your greens or go without!"

  Successful lovers, therefore, go out together for drinks, eat something, then walk around a bit, have a few more drinks, go to a movie, drive back to either one's place, sit around, play some records, snack, watch the late news, have another drink, sit around some more or read the papers and then, when they run out of all other possibilities, when there is absolutely nothing left to do, they go to bed.

  It's sex by attrition.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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