[RT pic] Robert
Treborlang
Australia		 Roddy The Rooster
Roddy The Rooster & Friends
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Renovations

Most renovations in Australia begin innocuously enough. The home, no matter how lovely, comfortable or expensive, suddenly proves inadequate for living in. If only there were a small door here, a wider window there, a kitchen sink on the opposite wall and slate tiles in the bathroom - if only these things were done, then the home would surely be perfect.

  But sadly, irrespective of where you put the new patio, sink, toilet bowl, spare room or open fire-place, someone (spouse, relatives or friends) will explain to you most patiently that these things should not have been placed there. On the roof, yes, in the backyard maybe, or hanging above the front gate; anywhere, in fact, but not where you had decided to place them.

  Events now get out of control. The renovations soon spread to the entire household and take over large chunks of the people's lives.

  There's cement in the carpets, paint marks on the curtains, tacks and nails between sofa cushions, sudden cracks above the staircase, nastily scratched window panes, bits missing out of doorways, permanently grubby taps, mysteriously broken vases, chandeliers hanging by single threads of wire, laundries filled with rubble, garden-beds smothered by bricks, corridors that become impassable for months.

  Could all this chaos be accidental?

  Far from it. In Australia experience has shown that each renovation bears, in fact, a strong correlation to the marital difficulties of those undertaking it.

  Modernising narrow windows: Spouses fancy some infidelity but haven't found right person

  Extending the loungeroom: Wife trying to keep husband suspected to having affairs at home

  Backyard shed turned into den: Husband caught up in mid-life crisis but too afraid to have outside liaisons

  New bathroom: Husband dissatisfied with sex-life; wife approaching menopause

  New kitchen and built-ins: Marriage on the rocks - wife threatens to walk out

  Separate dining area created: Marriage in socio-economic rut, wife dreams of mixing with people above her station

  Additional storey to suburban home: Couple would prefer divorce but can't afford it

  Whole house redecorated: Couples have simply given up on each other and lead separate lives

Be warned, however. If you are really serious about keeping a marriage going, do not complete renovations. Leave bits of construction work permanently unfinished. It may be anything from a few missing tiles under the sink to a huge gap in the back wall.

  In Australia experience has shown that once renovations are completed, and there are no other possible improvements to be made, the property somehow always ends up being sold and there is nothing left to hold the couple together.


Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

[RT pic] Robert
Treborlang
Australia		 Roddy The Rooster
Roddy The Rooster & Friends
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