How To Be Passive

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

How To Be Passive
Whilst in Europe, Asia and America men without initiative might be shunned, avoided or even ostracised, on our shores this quality is actively sought out, recognised and encouraged by every sensitive and romantic woman.

  What elegance and savoir faire do for French girls, or bareback yak hunting does for Tibetan beauties, showing lack of initiative does to the Aussie female.

  To Europeans, indeed, the attraction such women feel for men who sit in corners all night, staring at their nails, or who gaze wistfully at wallpaper patterns, may seem slightly eccentric. To the Japanese, the penchant for making the first move towards a relationship with a man might even seem pushy. To Saudi Arabs, not unexpectedly, the antipodean male's habit of waiting to be spoken to would seem rather unexciting.

  Aussie males, of course, know better. They understand only too well that the less energy they expand and the more passively they behave, the greater their chances of being picked up. They know that women have to be allowed to take the initiative, otherwise things would never get anywhere. After all, there's nothing females suspect more than a man going out of his way to make an impression.
  "He likes you."
  "He's a creep."
  "What's he done?"
  "Keeps on telling me how much he likes me."

  I discovered the importance of acting passive at my very first Saturday Night Party. Around midnight I began to notice that guys who, till then, had sat around in corners and never paid the slightest attention to anyone or anything all night, were now approached by girls who until then had spent their time chatting to me or to each other.

  What were they talking about? I saw them sidling up quite casually, leaning against shelves, curtains and things, mumbling about something or other to the guys who just sort of nodded. When I noticed on one of the shelves a book that had always interested me, I sidled up as well and, inadvertently, overheard one of these exchanges.
  "You're very quiet," said the girl.
  "I'm alright," answered the guy.
  "You don't seem to be enjoying yourself."
  "I'm not a party person."
  "Neither am I really."
  "I like to get to know people one at a time."
  "Why don't we go outside then?"
  "Alright."

  I realised that Australian women were strong-minded, proud individuals who would hate the idea of someone deliberately setting out to seduce them. A man may entertain desires, he may even have designs, but they should not be revealed under any circumstances.

  "What shall we do?" said the girl on the front porch where, quite by coincidence, I stood leaning behind one of the shutters, clearing my lungs from the awful smoke of the party.
  "Up to you," answered the guy.
  "A drive?"
  "I don't mind."
  "Where to?"
  "I'm easy."

  Since the aim is to protect the woman from feeling that advantage is being taken of her, and as even the most minimal difference of opinion could land a man in trouble, further conversations ought to be limited to a few neutral topics. The following appeared to be the most popular:
  The trade-in value of cars.
  The pros and cons of various alarm systems.
  What sandwiches to have for lunch.
  Problems of people you've never met.

Equally important is to be passive in a relationship. Should someone telephone, for instance, to invite the two of you, care must be taken not to show too independent a spirit.
  "What are you doing next Saturday?"
  "I'm not sure."
  "Would you like to come to a party?"
  "Wait till I ask Fiona."

  It may be acceptable in Germany or Russia for a man to reply promptly "Yes" to an invitation. Here, however, it is the woman's sole prerogative to pick up the telephone and accept invitations with a cheery:
  "We'd love to come."

  Failure to comply with the simple rules of passivity rapidly escalate into circumstances beyond anyone's control.
  "What did you do that for?"
  "What's that?"
  "Saturday was going to be my quiet night."
  "I just thought..."
  "Well, I don't think we should go anywhere."

  It's best not to reply. Sit on the edge of a chair or sofa and gaze crestfallen at the floor, until your partner relents.

  And if you're passive enough, they will.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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