No Worries

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

No Worries
When unrestrained emotional Italians have a problem, they expect the whole world to take an interest, listen and help them solve it. Friends are selfishly contacted at two in the morning, hours are spent discussing the minutest details and litres of coffee and tears are poured out, while all manner of possible suggestions are put forward.

  No Australian would expect such treatment.

  In America too, there are millions of brash and pushy people running around with a variety of belly aches, griping to family, friends, colleagues, psychiatrists, counsellors, therapists, self-help organisations, positive thinking groups, or to anyone willing to listen in subways or bars.

  No Australian expects such treatment either.

  Australians are a polite and courteous people. Here it's considered bad manners to foist yourself onto others. You may be in the middle of a nervous breakdown, you may even have in-laws staying, but under no circumstances are you to admit to any difficulties.

  A German with matrimonial troubles, for example, will most likely take a swig of schnapps, turn to a friend and say: "I had an argument with Helga last night and she told me that if I didn't stop seeing other women and start coming home on time, she'd walk out on me."

  This clear, over-precise way of talking about life is just not good enough in Australia. While Australians have problems like everyone else, it is considered highly improper to let on what it is that's really wrong. An Aussie in a similar predicament, after a long evening of inconsequential conversation with a friend, might remark:

  "Jane's been strange lately."
  "Oh, yeah?"
  "She's been acting sort of funny."
  "Hmmm."
  "Makes one wonder..."

  Another very important rule emerges here. Well-brought up friends in Australia know always to keep their distance and not get involved. The degree to which you can distance yourself from someone in difficulty, is a measure of your good manners.

  "It's up to you."
  "I don't care either way."
  "Whatever makes you happy."

  After all, should you in a moment of weakness, take too much note, there's a good chance that they'll shun you ever after for your indelicate behaviour. You may know that the lives of Fiona, Gary or Greg are currently in a disastrous state but you must never say anything upon meeting. They may have lost their jobs or look like death warmed up, still you should simply overlook this and go along with a happy-go-lucky charade.

  "You look great!"
  "Thanks."
  "Things must be going really well for you."
  "Aha."
  "It's good to see someone who's got it all together."
  "Errr..."

  On the other hand, should others ferret out that something is bothering you, should they get wind that you're in some kind of trouble, you ought to dismiss immediately whatever they say.

  "Oh, no, I've already thought of that."
  "I tried but it was no use."
  "It's all under control."

  The key is to hold back from talking until you've held back for so long that it has become absolutely impossible to talk about them anymore.

  You are now ready to be a true Australian, no worries.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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