How Not To Make Requests

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

How Not To Make Requests
The Olde Worlde habit of coming straight out with a request is not going to be effective in a society that disapproves of questions. The Northern Hemisphere saying, "So shy he wouldn't ask the time of day" just does not apply to life in a country where radio stations are giving you time pips five hundred times a day. Here the less you ask for a thing directly, the more likely you are to get it.

  It's best, therefore, to go around with a determined air of self-sufficiency, never letting anyone know what you are after. The very admission of a request puts the other person in an awkward position, in other words they might have to do something about it.

  Primitive and unsophisticated exchanges in places like Naples or Gdansk, based on the old question and answer formula, are over in a few short bursts:
  "Why don't you ever take me out on your boat?"
  "Haven't the time!"
  "Won't you take me just once for a couple of hours?"
  "Alright! Alright! Tomorrow at seven?"
  "Great!"

  Contrast this with the subtle albeit a little protracted exchange which Lucky Islanders have developed over many generations.
  "Nice day."
  "Yeah."
  "I thought you'd be out on your boat."
  "Too much trouble."
  "I wonder what it would be like owning a boat."
  "Oh. It's a lot of hassle."
  "Yeah. I wouldn't mind buying one though."
  "You should try mine."
  "I'm not sure I'd have the time."
  "You'd love it. I might take you out tomorrow."
  "I couldn't manage it earlier than seven."
  "Right. Seven it is then."
  "Oh, my car's in dock at the moment."
  "Pick you up on the way."
  "Great."

  As you can see, an example of perfect understanding using neither question marks nor changes in intonation.

  A note of caution, however. Make sure you don't get so used to these non-questioning habits that upon visiting other lands you take them with you. I am reminded of the sad story of a group of young Queenslanders entombed in their Kombivan, circling around France desperately lost, but broadcasting loudly for all to hear: "She'll be apples!"

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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