Keeping The Peace

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Keeping The Peace
Overburdened perhaps with the drudgery of housework, mothers in Europe often allow their families to get out of control. Husbands, children, relatives are all permitted to go about unchecked as they give free vent to their egos. The result is heated arguments, noisy exchanges and extended family discussions on every imaginable topic. Brought up in such a bellicose environment, young Europeans soon become outspoken, and rebellious, with strong personalities of their own.

  Australian mothers would never permit such lawlessness.

  An Australian mother knows only too well that the family is a volatile institution upon whose unruly members she must exercise a steadying influence. She also knows it is up to her to be peacekeeper if they are not to plunge into anarchy and barbarism through the unchecked and dangerous practices of open argument, face-to-face conflict and general discussion of ideas, subversive to the welfare of the clan.

  The process of keeping the peace within the clan is a difficult operation and any woman with plans to start a family will have to learn to perform several complicated manoeuvres worthy of a seasoned diplomat.

  The first step must always be to keep the various family members, i.e., sons, daughters, spouse, daughters-in-law, etc., as far apart from each other as possible, so that not even a hint of conflict may ensue between them. This is always done along Australian lines:

  In the kitchen:
  "Don't bother your father."
  "How come he never wants to talk to me when I do?"
  "You must have said something to upset him."
  "But I haven't spoken to him in weeks."
  "Maybe it's just as well."

  In the bedroom:
  "Leave the kids alone."
  "I just wanted to know what's happening."
  "It'll only end up in another fight."
  "I don't know why you have to keep protecting him."
  "He's just sensitive."
  "Well, I'm glad you two can talk at least."

  In the laundry:
  "You better tell me first."
  "Don't you think I should tell him about it myself?"
  "What good will that do?"
  "Someone should tell him."
  "I just don't think you should be upsetting your brother."

  She will have to do this from the children's early years, otherwise some deep attachments could appear which, later on, might lead to all kinds of complications.
  "No arguing in this house now."
  "Why do I have to hear from others my son's left his wife?"
  "You're not interested in my life, Dad!"
  "Now, it's not our Dad's fault you married a slut."
  "You're my sister, you could have at least warned me about it, you bitch!"
  "Oh my god, the family's falling apart!."

The job of the peacekeeper is not only to ascertain that family members don't get close enough to one another to have any kind of contact, but also to ensure that if, by chance, trouble does ensue, it doesn't ever get resolved. Such resolutions, after all, could lead everyone into uncharted territory.
  "Stop it both of you! I don't want to hear any more about it! I've had quite enough for one day! I think you two better stay away from each other."

  The advantage of unresolved conflicts is to ensure that generations of good Australians grow up without knowing how to argue and then make up. This intransigent attitude has also the added advantage of training everyone to live with a general sense of unease and tension from childhood on.

The ultimate aim of the peacekeeper will be to discourage any kind of exchange of views, whether personal or general, since all such exchanges can potentially lead to a full-blown drama. Even though the family insist that its only a game that they play, you never know, things can get out of hand.

  The reaction to any European-style argument should always be: "I knew it would come to this. What am I going to do now? Why can't we just have peace?"

  Young mothers should not be discouraged by the difficulties they might encounter. With practice the deft hand of the manipulator will become undetectable and she'll be able to work miracles for years to come without ever being sprung.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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