Robert Treborlang Australia

Roddy The Rooster & Friends

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A Hop Through Australia's History

Initiation
Just before lunch on a public holiday, I woke up in an Australian garage. Having survived my first few months - learnt not to ask questions, never dress well and always seem busy - I could suddenly distinguish the aroma of a genuine suburban barbecue. The sky was piercing blue, the air scortching hot. I felt like an explorer penetrating even deeper into new uncharted territory.

  The host, seeing me coming out of his garage and assuming I belonged with one of his guests, led me through the house to the backyard. People stood around in groups in a cafeteria-like atmosphere. The sun was at its zenith and meat was being thrown on the smoky grill.

  "Here you are," a young woman said, handing me a plate. "There's some spare tomato sauce over on the lid of that black compost maker."

  I'd never before seen a backyard barbecue in action and felt excited. It was like finding out how the Royal Family behaved in private. Just what exactly happened there? What were Australians like away from the public eye?

  Taking my place in the queue formed before the sizzling barbecue, I began to realise that polite and apologetic, people spoke to each other no differently from those I had met on buses and trains. There appeared to be an arm's length even among the closest relatives and friends.

  I started to feel anxious. I wanted to be like the people around me. Everybody was acting so normal, so problem-free. I was like a visitor on an island paradise who longed to emulate the mystifying philosophy of the carefree locals.

  When my turn came I took a chop off the barbecue and put it on my plate. I turned around and there was a middle-aged woman graling at me. And then at the chop on my plate. She was shaking her head in amazement. I edged past her and walked over to the young lady with the plates.
  "That was quick," she told me.
  "What do you mean?" I asked.
  "Well, I didn't even see you put your meat on the grill."
  "But I didn't bring any meat," I answered.
  "Oh my god," she said, looking at the group near the barbecue.

  I followed her head movement and there were six or seven people all guarding their own stakes and staring at me as if I had just skinned their cat.
  "But aren't most of these people your relatives?" I asked her.
  "Sure," she said. "You wouldn't want them to feel obligated, would you?"

  It was then that I realised that in this fair land when one is invited to a barbecue it's only fair to bring all the necessary ingredients. You know: your own drinks, your own meat, your own potato and your own conversation.

  Yes, perhaps this was the key to everything. Maybe the secret was to act self-contained towards family members, friends and strangers alike. Maybe this was the national etiquette, the behaviour they all thought normal.

  I set myself the task of finding out...


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Robert Treborlang Australia

Roddy The Rooster & Friends

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A Hop Through Australia's History