Helping Out Mates

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Helping Out Mates
As inheritors in the main of an anglo-celtic culture, most people have a deep respect for the democratic ways of life. This means that they feel no sympathy for the money grubbing, avaricious and unpleasant habits prevalent in other countries.

  Take, for instance, corruption.

  When an Italian pays a Mafia member to get his son off military service, it is undoubtedly, corruption. When a Chinese gives a large sum of money to a communist party official to let him have a car ahead of 100,000 others, that too is called corruption. When an Australian slips some money to a police officer to get his brother off a drink-driving charge, he is not corrupting anybody. He is simply making a donation.

  Straight out corruption and bribery are foreign habits, practised by grubby, self-motivated people with slicked-back hair and hirsute fingers, who live in faraway lands. Donations, no matter to what obscure causes, are sunny, kind, charitable and typically Australian.

  Naturally, a person in trouble will want to find the way out of it as much as any Peruvian or Frenchman. It also goes without saying that there are ways of attenuating one's woes - but never at the expense of jeopardising one thousand years of built-in anglo-celtic respect for the law.

  That is why most people may "help out a mate", may "do someone a favour", may even "push another's cause", and if it is "made worth their while", might even "stick a neck out", or "bend the rules a little" since they know that whatever it is they are doing could never possibly be called corruption.

  After all, "corrupt" countries are run by greasy dictators aided by fat officials in shiny suits and with heavy accents, who take the whole thing very seriously - in a style far removed from the light-hearted, matey, easy going Australian way.

  So what you must do, in trying to extricate yourself from trouble, is look around for someone who'll give you a knowing wink and an understanding response like: I've got a mate who might be able to help your brother." Or, "I know this great bloke who's never let down a mate yet." Or "What you want is a little mate with the right connections".

  This is the cue. The moment a mate, or a mate's capacity, is mentioned, you know that you are on the right track. Chances of clambering out of trouble have now greatly increased, and you should welcome the other person's offer with laughing snorts and some light-hearted frivolity.
  "D'you reckon he'll want to help a geezer like me? Heh! Heh!"
  "Ah, well, you might have to make it worth his while. After all, he's got to come in from Tweed Heads! Hah! Hah! Hah!"

  A slightly derisory and jovial attitude is necessary as proof that this is neither corruption nor an illegal connivance, but really a kindly turn, a friendly game between mates, who are basically superior to any dirty and deliberate breaking of the law.

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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