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Treborlang
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Grimacing For Beginners

[image]Try as you may to absorb local customs, imitate slang or penetrate the national psyche, you will never be considered normal until you look right - until you look at ease in this unique environment. And what makes everyone look right are the expressions they are wearing and the faces they know to pull.

  An honest farmer who makes an impassioned speech on behalf of the country's struggling wheat growers, might just escape being labelled a "whinger". A mediocre actor in a corporate TV commercial, however, has only to jerk his neck and twitch the corner of his mouth and he'll be said to embody the indomitable fighting spirit of the land.

  Clearly, a grimace is worth a thousand words.

  Here then are a variety of scowls, contortions, and grins that you should learn to disport on various appropriate occasions:

Uh-uh

The most popular way to start really pulling faces is when somebody suddenly becomes passionate about a particular subject. This usually happens when you're in a group.

  In Israel or Greece impassioned views would set the scene for an interesting discussion, but now you and your friends must start to eye one another nervously, while frowning heavily with a series of painful mouth contortions, to indicate a speaker who has gone off the rails.

  If this doesn't work, re-form the party in such a way that the speaker is excluded. It's sure to achieve the desired results - as he is now talking to himself, while the rest of you telegraph to each other his obvious mental disturbance with a series of repetitive exaggerated grimaces.

Oh-oh

You've been invited to dinner. An attractive guest has started to gaze in your direction. Are you being asked to pass the salt? Is it someone next to you? Check. Eventually, you may have to accept the reality of the situation - someone is trying to flirt with you.

  What are you to do?

  If you're a woman, compress neck, flare nostrils, tighten lips and show a congested expression. If you're a man, stiffen your face, look rigid and gaze intently just past the person who likes you. In France or Hungary, being admired makes people talkative and charming; here, if you sense being liked, right away put on a strict mask.

Migraine Squint

Here's a general grimace for when you're out and about.

  The eyes are narrowed to accentuate the crows feet, the eyebrows are jammed into a straight line and the neck is locked into an angular position, allowing no sideward head-movement whatever.

  Definitely to be worn in public places, this migraine-like-squint will give you the ability to walk down the street and not see anything, while warning people, at the same time to stay away from you.

Superglue

You're at a gathering. There's a rumour that someone from a newspaper or a magazine has been spotted wandering with a camera among the crowd. It could be anybody. What can you do?

  It is customary to start grinning.

  Raise eyebrows to suggest naivete. Draw mouth-muscles right back. Bare teeth to the gums. Keep smile and eyes immobile as if they had been super-glued onto your face. Behave as if in a trance.

  Generally speaking, without the super-glue look on your face, they'll never print your photograph in the papers.


 Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

[RT pic] Robert
Treborlang
Australia		 Roddy The Rooster
Roddy The Rooster & Friends
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