Never Draw Conclusions

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Never Draw Conclusions
Hiding in his Berlin bunker, Adolf Hitler saw that he was surrounded by Allied troops, concluded all was lost, declared the war closed and set fire to himself.

  He wouldn't have done it had he been Australian. Australians, as a rule, are against drawing conclusions.
  "Stone the crows! Bombs to the left, tanks to the right. Wonder if it's our boys. Maybe it's that other lot. Not much point worrying about it though. Reckon if I just keep mum a bit longer and stay down here in the bunker, things'll blow over."

  There is a constant pressure on Australians not to draw conclusions from events. You must show that you are straightforward, untainted by devious thought. You must be unable to predict anything more major than the third in the second at Randwick or Flemington on Wednesday.

  Say you have moved into a small country town and it is your aim to integrate with the locals. Yours is the only CB radio in the street. Two days before Christmas, traditionally the stormiest time of the year, you hear on your set at six-thirty pm that flood waters have wiped out an entire area fifty kilometres to the north. It is your duty to tell everyone personally, then do nothing about it and turn up at the local pub for the rest of the evening.

  Hence if it is likely that after the floods a cyclone will bear down, it would be most unbecoming to take any precautions other than tying up the dog.

  But mere inactivity is still no definite proof of your unwillingness to draw conclusions. As a sign of your good faith, you should stand in the pub doorway as the waters rush towards you and express your bewilderment at the total suddenness of these things, and complain how December weather just isn't what it used to be.

Some time ago, I wrote a story about the experiences of a European doctor among Aboriginal tribes. One publisher perused my manuscript and shook his head.
  "I am afraid this is not acceptable."

  I look sufficiently hurt to force an explanation.
  "You predict here in your story that whites will be more and more willing to give back the Aborigines their lands as the Aborigines die out, no longer representing a danger due to their reduced numbers. I am afraid if we printed this, we'd be in hot water with everybody."
  "It's how I view it."
  "Oh come on, an author's job is to describe things, not to add facts together and draw conclusions from them. It just isn't done. Where would that take contemporary literature? It's up to the readers, after all, to interpret it the way they want to."

  Drawing conclusions, of course, is closely related to analysis. And analysis is another danger area that people don't want to get too close to. A student - a young friend of mine who had recently arrived from overseas - achieved high marks in other subjects but failed her English exam. She took the offending essay back to her teacher, demanding an explanation for the low mark.

  The teacher proved full of understanding.
  "I've asked you here to analyse Hamlet. And so you go into long explanations of the characters' motives for their actions. And then you analyse Shakespeare's motives by pointing out his alternatives."
  "Right. That's the way I learnt it in Bratislava," said the student.
  "Well, here, when you're asked to analyse a play like Hamlet, what we are really asking you to do is tell the story of Hamlet."
  "Is that all? Why?"
  "So we can be sure you've read the goddamn play!"
  "But then why don't you just say 'describe Hamlet'?"
  "Because 'to describe' would mean 'to give your opinion of it'!"

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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