Climax Analysis

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Climax Analysis
Climax Analysis affects all lovers at some time or other. Its hallmark from Bairnsdale to Broome is a series of questions that follow love-making, mostly when one partner is trying to sleep.
  "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
  "Mm."
  "Was it fantastic?"
  "Mm."
  "Was it really, really fantastic?"
  "Mmmm."
  "Why?"

  Not having an answer to this last question can prove deadly. Many a relationship flounders because one of the partners is just not quick enough on their feet to answer:
  "Because I'm easy to please."

  Climax Analysis entails interrogations about how good it was, how good it could've been or how good it is going to be next time.
  "How do you feel?"
  "Good, I suppose."
  "Really good?"
  "Yes, I suppose."
  "Better than last time?"
  "Last time with who?"

  When the woman carries on like this, the man gets scared because it means she wants a commitment, she wants more than a casual two-year affair, and it is just not in the DNA of the Aussie male to commit himself to anything.

  On the other hand, when the man carries on like this, the woman gets scared because she knows he's asking for reassurance about his sexual prowess, and it's not in the gene-pool of the Australian woman to reassure anybody about anything.

  Many lovers begin to dread the soft tender voice of a partner as they are desperately trying to nod off.
  "What do you feel?"
  "Sleepy."
  "But what do you really feel?"
  "I feel really sleepy."
  "I mean really, really, really feel?"

  Here there is always the temptation of sitting up and, seeking out your partner's humid gaze, letting them have it: "Okay, let me tell you. There's a slight numbing on my left arm where I was supporting my weight and a slight tenderness on my right shoulder blade where the bed post pressed into me and a small cramp in my big toe from having hooked it into the bed sheet and a twitching in my right eye where I collided with either the pillow or your glasses."

  But of course you don't.

  Climax Analysis can be also quite dangerous due to the great variety of guises in which it is encountered. You can have observant, mindful, respectful, courteous, deferential, and civil Climax Analysers all of whom make it their business to keep you awake into the wee-wee hours of the night.
  The caring lover: "Did you come?"
  The anxious lover: "Was it good?"
  The psychoanalytic lover: "What were you thinking?"
  The vigilant lover: "Who is George?"
  The appreciative lover: "You're one of the best."
  The informative lover: "Best one all week."

  The best way to cope with Climax Analysis is to distract the other person and draw their attention to some vital piece of information that simply can't wait telling.
  "I wonder if I locked the front door?" or,
  "Mustn't forget to fill up on the way home," or
  "Whatever happened to my old battered briefcase?"

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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