The Importance Of Being Sorry

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

The Importance Of Being Sorry
Parents in Germany constantly encourage offspring to be thorough in everything they do. In the United States kids are prodded to save whatever money they earn. In Japan infants are urged to become loyal and hard-working. Much of the time and energy spent on education in Australia goes into teaching children the importance of being sorry.
  "Say you're sorry!"
  "And what do we say now?"
  "You better apologise or else!"

  One can tell, in fact, who the sophisticated and well-brought-up people are simply from the frequency with which they say they're sorry.
  "I'm awfully sorry but..."
  "I hope you don't mind that...."
  "I regret to have to do this, however..."

  In France, birthplace of courtly manners, should someone step on your foot it is socially quite acceptable to retort with something like: "Get off my bloody foot, you idiot!" Such a statement in Australia just wouldn't be considered good enough. Properly educated apologetic Australians, if they said anything at all, would be expected to remark:
  "I'm sorry to bother you and I hope I'm not too much trouble but could you move your foot a little either way because somehow mine seems to have got caught under yours."

  Then, for good measure, you could also add (again):
  "I really am sorry."

  In this country you should never miss an opportunity to apologise. Do it under every possible pretext and with friends and strangers alike. You must say you're sorry especially: if you are right; if you think you might be right; if others agree that you're right; if you tell someone that you like them; if you're suspected of having made a mistake; if someone else makes a mistake; if you're getting drunk and falling over; if you don't happen to drink at all; if you happen to disagree with someone; if they disagree with you; if you are about to express an opinion; if you lose at a game; if you win at a game; or, if you haven't apologised for a while.

On arrival at an Australian home it's a good idea to start apologising the moment you come in through the door. Being on time is a good excuse, i.e.: "I'm sorry to be so punctual but I got a green wave." On being offered a drink you must excuse yourself for proving a bother, or better even, for actually being thirsty. It's advisable to throw in a few random apologies to keep the conversation going when sitting down, such as: "I'm sorry, have I sat on the wrong chair?"

  It's also good form to be sorry for having burped. Even if it's impossible for other people to have heard it, you must bring your hand up to your mouth and stop all conversation with a loud: "I'm terribly sorry, it's awfully rude of me." In Austria and Italy, indeed, you might be thought gauche if you made such a statement. In Australia a bold apology for even the quietest little burp is considered the quintessence of courtly behaviour and your hosts will rush to have you over again.

  Like religious prayer, being sorry is something in which everyone must participate - a sort of chain reaction without end in sight. For example, it's important once someone apologises to immediately apologise back.
  "I'm sorry I took longer than I thought."
  "Oh, I'm sorry, I should've realised."
  "It's my fault and I'm sorry I didn't ring."
  "I'm sorry then to put you to all this trouble."
  "Oh no, I'm the one sorry for the inconvenience."
  "No, no, it was definitely my fault. So sorry."

  Whatever you do, don't break the chain as it is considered both rude and dangerous. Unreassured apologetic Australians may even get aggressive. People who are not actively encouraged or jollied along in their manic apologising may become wild creatures indeed.
  "I hope you'll forgive me for being late."
  "Okay."
  "I'm sorry but it wasn't my fault."
  "Good."
  "I'll make sure it won't happen again."
  "Fine."
  "I said I'm sorry."
  "I know."
  "You don't believe me."
  "I do."
  "Listen, I can't do more than apologise."
  "I understand."
  "And I've told you I am really sorry."
  "Forget about it."
  "Well, if you're going to take that attitude, I'm sorry but I'll have to leave."

Due to all these uses of the word "sorry", its actual meaning has somewhat changed. You must, therefore, not say sorry under the following circumstances: if you know you're in the wrong; if you know you've hurt someone's feelings; if you've made a mistake; when talking to somebody who has recently suffered a bereavement. In these situations the best line is always: "I just don't know what to say."

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Roddy The Rooster & Friends

Site
by
JMV

Search | Home | Contents | Books

A Hop Through Australia's History