How To Be Low Key

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

How To Be Low Key
Quintessentially the trait - especially when dealing with people. Being Low Key is neither a mannerism nor a fashion. It is as basic to being Australian as rust is to motor cars, or grey fur to koalas.

  Low Key has to do with pretending that you're a lot less than what others think you are (if this is possible).

  Being Low Key also means wearing unfashionable clothes (see next topic). Remember at all times that the actual quality of the clothes in your wardrobe is not important. What really matters is that they should look as if they were meant for somebody else.

  Low Key has to do with being awkward, clumsy and rather ungrammatical.

  Achievements, assets, attitudes, should only be referred to with badly constructed... you know... lots of punctuation marks... sort of... obliquely... and how can one put it...

  Ambition must also be heavily played down and its hard-earned fruits should always be attributed to... err... Luck?

  Low Keyness doesn't only mean being unable to formulate sentences about your own successes. It also means cutting off other people as they are trying to tell you something successful about themselves.

  Low Key has to do with warding off envy.

  Like the plumber who has just won a tray of meat at a pub raffle. He knows how to be Low Key, by instinct. And his mates, holders of the losing tickets, surround him with a twinge of envy, as he keeps fumbling with his prize.
  Plumber:  Yeah... yeah... yeah...
  Mates:  A tray of meat, eh?
  Plumber:  (Laughs nervously) Heh! Heh! Heh!
  Mates:  Last week it was turkey!
  Plumber:  (Sadly) But I like turkey.
  (Nice uneasy atmosphere but at least nobody's resentful.)

  Being Low Key also puts a nice reassuring gulf between yourself and those who might want to get close.Like women. Opening doors for the opposite sex is fine but make sure you get in the way as she is trying to pass you. Rush to offer her a lighter after she's already fished out her own. Farting in bed is okay too, but make sure you first let out an enthusiastic: "Wait for it!"

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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