Aussies In Bed

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

Aussies In Bed
When one gets down to actual love-making, things become very, very easy. Aussie sex is usually pretty full on and fast paced. It's not so much wild abandon that causes the pace, it's more the desire to avoid embarrassment.

  He doesn't want her to touch him as it might cause him undue anxiety. "Oh no, she better not put her hand there, god knows what might happen. And I better wriggle out of being touched down there as well, I don't want her to think I enjoy that kind of thing. If I get up on my elbows then she'd get a better view of me. What, in fact, I should do is turn around a bit or she might get the impression it's not big enough. I realise she's expecting something fancy but I reckon this is the one position where we both get a chance to concentrate on the job."

  She doesn't want him to examine her body because of her imperfections. "Oh, no, if he kisses me there he'll see the moles! I better push myself up against the wall. And he better not go down there or he'll see my stomach. Must get his head around this side. No, not the thighs, I'm sure he'll see the cellulite down there. And he better not inspect too closely between the breasts, there are those hairs I forgot to pluck. I know he says he wants to appreciate my body but he'll only just find fault. There is only one position where he won't notice all my bodily imperfections and we better get into it quick."

  Meanwhile as she's kind of hurrying him on, he thinks: "She's so turned on by me, she doesn't even need foreplay. Wow! That's a relief!"

  To maintain the highly charged romantic atmosphere both partners know to keep quiet. In fact it's an act that is performed in utter silence. Occasionally the antipodean female will try to tempt the male to talk during the sex act but he knows it's a taboo and must not do it due to the widely held superstition about doing two things at once.

Once the sex act is over, most couples being fairly sports-minded bravely resist the temptation to show too much affection. Three to five minutes is usually the maximum. After all, as after any match, once the final whistle or bell has been sounded, that's it.

  You feign a bit of fondness for a minute or two, make vague comments about how good it was and then start to watch for who's going to leap out of bed first. This is usually evident from the way everyone is trying to appear relaxed as if copping it sweet.
  "Happy, eh?"
  "Nice."

  As soon as this exchange is completed it is considered courteous for one party to vacate the room as quickly as possible. The general aim is to clear out and create a bit of negative space. She may say that the fridge door might have been left open or her pet cat has not been fed. He may suddenly remember that he's left the car lights on.

  Like true sporting members of opposing teams, both sides know to get back to their opening positions before anyone cries 'foul!'

Copyright © 1991-2002 - Robert Treborlang

Robert
Treborlang
Australia

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